Muscle ninjas are not to be disrespected
I think one of the most annoying functions of the human body is the charley horse. They are like excruciatingly sudden and powerful spasm ninjas that live in your leg. You never know they are coming and when they do, it is not only with a swiftness that in itself is cause for alarm, but with such fierce impact. There is no buildup, there is only you against yourself and the battle is fought on both sides with ferocity that only seems to exacerbate the problem.
And they come in your sleep, when are are your most defenseless. You are off in dreamland living it up and kicking zombie ass a la Left 4 Dead, or imagining someone naked who when you would rather not, when KAPOW! Come on, calf. Really? While I was asleep? I would have opted for naked Rosie O’Donnell had I known waking up like THIS was the other option.
You are forced awake upon impact with no chance to get accustomed to the idea that the rebellion has taken place. And then the more you try to fight back, the more you writhe around in agony, the more it tenses, as if to say “Orly? You wanna try me, asshole? This is my leg now. I run these parts, so give in now or I will break you.” Turns out that if you struggle it can lead to a pretty nasty muscle tear and potentially long-term disability. Oh. Good.
So you hold it straight and wait for it to subside. After it does there is a remnant, a dull pain, just so you dare not forget who is really in control. But when you do, and you will, your body will send another muscle ninja in there as a friendly reminder.
